This journey is more than just changing how my body looks.

It is helping to keep me healthy. Emotionally and physically.

This post is a little challenging to write because there is so much I want to say.

First and foremost, yes I want to change my body and become stronger, but more importantly I want to feel the best I can feel.

I have realized some of my usual behaviors are simply unhealthy.

On January 19, 2016 someone who was once important in my life passed away. 

(you may remember the post 'It No Longer Matters')

My normal M.O. when I am emotional is to stop eating. 

It is like I become so emotional that I feel like I cannot stomach anything.

So when I am emotional, I normally don't eat. 

I will go all day without eating anything; barely drinking water.

Clearly this type of behavior is not good for my body. 

I put my body in starvation mode and I don't feel better.

I am basically allowing myself to wallow in my emotions and remain stuck.

I am proud to say despite my emotions during the loss of a once 'father figure', I was able to eat and reach all of my daily macro goals.

Having this program, my daily food goals and my ultimate goal of competing helps me remain dedicated and take care of my body.

There is nothing more important than loving yourself. 

It is through loving yourself first that you are then able to share your love with others. 

It is hard to give away something that you do not have yourself.

On another note, working out has been a tremendous release.

Lately my job has been rather stressful.

I typically find myself leaving work with a headache.

I come home, eat my pre-carb workout and still make my way to the gym regardless of how much my head is pounding.

When it is super bad I will give in and take advil.

I do my best every night to give all that I have. Some days I have more than others.

I can tell because sometimes the weight feels slightly too heavy and I may have to lift lighter.

It is all about listening to your body.

When my workout is finished, I generally feel brand new.

My headache is gone. My mood improved by tenfold.

It sometimes feels like I never went to work that day.

The time I spend in the gym is time where I become almost fully present and I let everything go.

It is a way that I express my frustrations and negativity.

It is freeing.

To some I am crazy and being too strict.

Maybe so.

But the rewards of what I am doing is worth it.

I have never felt better and I am really proud of myself.

My confidence has also improved because I know what I can do and I see my hard work paying off.

I love the fact that I can be disciplined and make my dreams come true.

What's stopping you??